I have a new job! I started it two weeks ago, as a secondment for six months. Already I love it.
I’m working as part of a team now, which I didn’t realise how much I’d missed until I was back in this environment.
The work is interesting and challenging as I’m still learning. My colleagues are lovely.
It’s just brilliant.
So nice to go to work and love what I do
I have a reasonable body image I think. At least I do most of the time. Generally I’m fairly OK with my figure. I’m aware it’s not amazing and that I’m fatter and wobblier than I want to be. I’m not so desperately unhappy that I would starve myself or make myself ill.
I’d just like to lose a little bit of excess weight and tone up those problem areas.
I did have a while of being desperately disappointed in my body.
I had eating issues in my late teens and early twenties and was pretty obsessive about not putting weight on. Having children I had to gain weight obviously and I hated it.
I loathed my pregnant body. The huge distended stomach made me think of the Alien films. Nothing fitted me. My breasts were enormous. Like a shelf of fat constantly in my peripheral vision. Following a crash c-section with my daughter I was left with a ‘shelf’ above which a layer of fat hung. I hated it.
I took up running and managed to lose most of the weight I’d gained and also managed to shift the dreaded shelf.
When my son came along I was equally miserable during pregnancy. In retrospect it’s easy for me to see that I had ante-natal depression, but at the time I just struggled through. There are precisely 5 photos of me pregnant. Of those only 3 were taken with my knowledge. That’s 18 months largely undocumented because I was so miserable with my body.
Following a second c-section (and a surprise appendectomy) I injured my back and have been unable to exercise for more than a few months at a time. Each time my progress is halted by a flare up of my disc problems.
This has been rough. I don’t like dieting. I prefer to just exercise more and burn the weight off that way. But I can’t do that now. So I’m having to learn to accept my body is bigger than it was and that changing it is taking time.
In a perverse way this is probably good for me. I’m a bit more accepting of my figure now. I no longer hate bits of myself.
It’s also meaning I’m having to actually think about what I eat a bit more. I’m a poor cook and not interested in fancy dishes, but I do need to eat a healthy balance diet, and now I do.
Currently my back is in a good state so I’m reintroducing exercise and hoping to see little changes over the next few weeks.
Wish me luck!