Me & my uterus haven’t got the best relationship. Never have had, if the truth is told.
From the day I started menstruating at thirteen up to the present day, my uterus has been a pain in every sense of the word.
So Friday will be interesting.
I’m booked in for a uterine ablation procedure. This should destroy my womb lining and leave me with very reduced periods. Which will be a huge relief and a vast improvement on my current situation.
Fingers crossed for an easy procedure and fast recovery!
Only downside is that my lovely boyfriend is coming to look after me and I’ve been told by him that I have to get a note from the doctor or there will be no sex.
I have gallstones. Several apparently. I discovered this after a couple of outbreaks of extreme pain following rather rich meals.
After an excruciating night where I was unable to sleep and genuinely began to think I might be having a heart attack, I went to the doctor.
From there I was sent for an ultrasound and blood tests and then my doctors surgery called to ask me to arrange a phone consultation with my gp.
After a terrifying chat with my gp where he told me the risks of pancreatitis (& death) I was sent to a surgeon for another consultation, prod and scare-inducing chat.
Now I’m just awaiting my letter from the hospital to tell me when I’m going under the knife. I’m part terrified and part eager for this bit.
Eager, because being in pain a lot is pretty shitty really. Terrified, well that’s obvious!
Like a lot of people, I’m scared of hospitals. Like even more people, I’m scared of general anaesthetic. And.. like a huge number of people, the idea of someone chopping me open with a sharp knife and poking about in my innards is frankly nauseatingly scary. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that there isn’t really a choice though. So I’d best get my had around the idea and fast!
I’ve had a rather introspective day today. I’ve had a lot of those lately though.
My partner and I tell each other often that we love one another. We cherish each other in shall ways on a very regular, if not daily basis.
This has led to my partner telling me how loved he feels. I know what he means, I feel utterly secure and cared for, which is wonderful.
I have been thinking today about what he does that makes me feel loved, and from there pondering what I do in particular to make him feel cared for.
What is it that gives that sense of total intimacy and trust?
I’m still thinking…
In the meantime I’ve also tackled the laundry mountain today, tidied party of my daughter’s nightmare of a bedroom, been shopping, destroyed two fledgling wasp nests in my summer house, sun bathed, had coffee with a friend, cooked dinner and die trawl school runs.
About to tackle the bathroom and the ironing and then my day off from work will be done!
I haven’t been blogging for ages and I think the problem is simple.
I previously used my old blog as a diary. It was just for me and I loved it.
After a rather stressful few years, I thought “fresh start, new blog”.
I had friend’s telling me I could review stuff and get paid etc. And I thought ” hmm could do, why not? ”
But here’s the thing.
I don’t work that way. Clearly.
I write for the joy of writing. I write for the purpose of getting my thoughts in order, and as an aide mémoire.
I don’t like feeling under pressure to write to a deadline. My life is quite pressured enough thanks.
I’ve come to the conclusion that people who go to lots of free blog events are either stay at home parents – so blogging fits into their lifestyle nicely.
Or they are people who don’t work full time/ have lots of responsibilities.
Or they are like me, crazy busy.. But just have crippling insomnia and so can squeeze lots more into their days!
Either way, I’m going to revert to writing just for me.
If I review stuff, it’s stuff I’ve bought, that I like (or loathe) enough to be arsed to write about!
So it’s winter.
My body and brain have clearly felt it to be distinctly wintery and depressing for some time.
I can tell.
Ooh yes, the ever increasing list of draft posts on here, awaiting my ability to complete things.
The strong desire I have to never, ever leave the fucking house again.
The grumpy moods.
The dry skin.
The impossibility of getting out of bed in the morning.
I’ve suffered depression on and off since I was in my early teens. Sometimes mild ‘blues’ which I’ve managed to shake off fairly easily. Other times deep, dark chasms that I fell into and then could not extricate myself from.
I think I’m currently in mild blues mode, so I’m forcing myself to remain sociable.
The worst thing I can do right now is let myself totally withdraw. Although, I’ve been pretty withdrawn on social media for a good few months…
I keep putting that down to hibernation in the winter, but coming down with a stinky cold is not helping.
So, an aim!
An aim to keep me mentally busy.
I’m going to get on with my film list on here and try to write a little something at least a few times a week about films I have watched.
That will keep me occupied through the long, grim winter.
I’m having a day filled with motherly guilt today.
My back pain has been extremely bad today, so bad that I haven’t even felt up to leaving the house. This is thankfully a very rare occurrence but I’m feeling terrible about it now.
I’ve had my children all weekend, and although we had a busy and fun day yesterday, today has been quiet.
They haven’t complained.
They have played minecraft, played with their Lego, read books, watched Netflix and Strictly Come Dancing with me.
We have had hot chocolate and pancakes, cuddles on the sofa and so on.
Yet I still feel guilty that we haven’t actually ‘done’ anything.
We haven’t gone out.
There were no walks in the woods, visits with friends, swimming or trips out.
I start physiotherapy in less than two weeks, and I can only hope that it helps me get back to bring relatively pain-free again soon.
I hate not being able to do things with my children just because of my health.
I’ve been a bit quiet as I’ve been struggling with pain management and full time working.
That’s the shitty thing with long term health issues, they flare up from time to time, generally when you could really do with them NOT flaring up.
Working full time while being primary carer for two children is a juggling act as it is. Being reduced to tears by back pain while trying to manage everything is just horrendous.
My MRI results are delayed due to a back log, and I can’t get referred for physiotherapy until I have the results. Although I’m trying to do some gentle exercises on my own, I’m stymied by the sheer pain levels and total lack of time.
So at the moment my pain management plan consists of lots of strong painkillers, hot water bottle in bed and in the office, resting when I can and, most important, taking a deep breath and trying not to be a grumpy mummy just because I’m tired and frazzled with the constant pain. Aaargh!
I keep reminding myself to stay positive. I’d managed to get to a really good stage of recovery previously. I will do that again. It will just take a little time.
Money matters. It matters a great deal.
As a single mum, I’m on a tight budget, and although my recent promotion (yay!) means I’ll have a little more disposable cash soon… Money is still in fairly short supply.
Luckily I’m a saver by nature, so I budget frantically throughout the year so that I can afford treats and holidays for me and the children.
However, me being good with money for myself is not enough.
No, I want my children to be good with money too.
So, in the interests of teaching them how much money matters, they have weekly pocket money that they can choose to spend on sweets, or save for larger toys.
I’m delighted that they have both embraced the idea of saving for larger items.
My son decided he wanted to save up for the Lego police station set.
Averaging a whopping £60.00 from most retailers. I promised him that if he could get most of the way there himself, then I would help him with the final bit. He saved up £45 on his own and I donated the final £15 as a reward for his hard work. I was so proud of him!
My daughter is equally financially savvy. Upon hearing my deal with M, she enquired if I’d do the same for her if she saved up for the Lego Olivia’s house (averaging £50.00)
Naturally, I agreed and she set to work saving too.
A trip to Smyth’s toy shop and they both got their hard earned toys.
They are now both saving hard for other “big” toys and I couldn’t be happier.
I’m delighted to have children who are learning the cost of items they want, as opposed to just the price. When I was working in the shop on minimum wage and they asked for big toys that I knew they would grow out of quickly, I would sometimes point out that I’d have to spend two days in work, just to buy that one item.. It helped make them aware of how hard I have to work for my cash, and that is a valuable lesson for anyone.
I wonder how other’s handle money matters with their children? Am I too open with them about finances?
Mooncups are life changing. I know that sounds bizarre.
I first became aware of Mooncups during my early twenties. I saw stickers on the back of toilet doors in public toilets and service stations and thought:
“What sort of weirdo goes around putting stickers about sanitary protection in toilets? What sort of person would you have to be, for that to be something you would WANT to do?”
I didn’t buy one.
Then I became older and wiser. I started trying to conceive my first child and started visiting the website Mumsnet. There were people going on about Mooncups on there too. I’d had years of using icky tampons that left my insides dry and sore. I’d tried sanitary towels, both with and without wings, and loathed the way they felt against my skin. Even worse, when they started adding gels and chemicals into them, I ended up with a raw undercarriage from a reaction to them!
Mooncups could not be any worse surely?
So I ordered one.
It arrived in the post.
I waited for my period to arrive.
It didn’t. I conceived.
So the Mooncup was stashed at the back of the cupboard for almost one year.
Finally, I was ready to use it. I read and re-read the instructions and had a go. At this point I will admit that it took me three months of periods before I really adapted to it. At first I didn’t get the angle right (aim for your lower back rather than straight up towards your throat).
It hadn’t unfolded properly on one occasion and so it leaked slightly (my fault for not double checking, I was aware it felt ‘funny’.
The stem was poking me! Tip – cut it off, cut it all off. You don’t need it.
Now though I’ve been using my Mooncup for over 9 years. Yes, the same Mooncup! And therein lies the beauty of them. I bought one Mooncup for £20, it’s still going strong now. Think of the financial saving! Think of the environmental saving!
If I use an average of 6 tampons per day and my period typically lasts 7 days minimum (I know – sucks to be me), that’s 42 tampons. A period every month takes the total tampons used to 504 used in a year. A regular pack of 20 tampons is approximately £2.70 (cheapest on Amazon, however most women regularly pay more in the supermarket). I would need 2 boxes per period – 24 boxes per year. That’s a whopping £64.80 per year! And that’s not even including the fact that I used sanitary towels at night..
So over my 9 years of Mooncup wearing I’ve easily saved myself over £580.
The other plus points are numerous.
No more carrying various sanitary stuff around with you, you just need one mooncup AND it comes with a swanky little drawstring bag so it doesn’t get fluffed up with all the crap at the bottom of your handbag (I know this, as I forgot to use the bag once.. Never again).
My periods are slightly lighter and don’t hurt any more. Theories online abound about the reasons for this. Most popular is that as mooncups are passive, they are not ‘drawing’ menstrual blood from your body, therefore less cramps.
You don’t need to change it as often. You know those days when you know you are due on, but haven’t started yet? The repeated trips to the loo to check you haven’t started yet? None of that with a mooncup, just put it in and check it later in the day.
I’ve managed to convert several of my friends to the mooncup way
And that’s another thing to consider, how many people do you know who get evangelical over tampons or towels? Exactly. None.
Now where can I get my hands on some toilet door stickers….
Mooncups are available in larger Boots stores, supermarkets and direct from the mooncup website with a retail price of £19.99.